A sinking feeling

Eyes deeper than any known chasm 

A delicate black hole to which I see no end 

I hope you won't mind if I go for a swim

Hand me that anchor I'm going in 

How to escape the FriEND Zone

The Friend Zone can be a very uncomfortable place. Chances are when you first met this girl you thought she was beautiful, funny, amazing etc. and you just HAD to be close to her. Chances are she was dating someone or she just came out of a relationship or simply wasn't looking for anything... and now here you are secretly wishing you could kiss her.

Before we get into the delicate process of escaping The Friend Zone, keep in mind that you are not the only one wishing they could get out of it. You are also not the only one plotting a daring escape.
If you and the girl of your dreams are really close and have had a long friendship, there are probably already some very special feelings that you each carry for each other. They may not be romantic feelings on her end, but important feelings none the less. You matter to her greatly and this is why you must approach her with sincerity and honest intentions.

Now if you're interest in her is solely based on her physical aspects and constant thoughts of recreating some dirty scenes you once saw in a video, STOP. You do not want to ruin a perfectly good friendship just so you can appease your fantasies. Nor will it really make her feel good about you or herself knowing that you just want to get in her skinny jeans. If you genuinely feel for this girl and know you could treat her better than all the rest, ask her out. But please keep it simple, for example,  "I know we have been friends for a long time but I would really love the opportunity to take you out on a date." She might be slightly taken aback, or even amused, but she WILL think about it and she will give you an honest response.

Most important, don't go professing your undying love to her because it will possibly create a lot of unwanted pressure and it could end up making her feel really uncomfortable around you. The whole point is to gauge how she feels and find out if there is any attraction towards you as well. Whether it be physical, mental or chemical, there needs to be a mutual attraction if you ever plan to escape The Friend Zone.

What's In A Heritage?

As someone who is of mixed race, containing four or five known heritages, I find it hard to embrace any one of them as most people do. Usually when I'm filling out some form that asks me to pick a race, I have a moment of indecision. Do I feel more black today? or Spanish? maybe I should just go with Indian! hell why not! To tell you the truth I don't feel like I'm anything. I don't look at myself and see black, or Spanish, or Italian or native. I don't see any of it. I don't pick apart my features the way other people do. People always ask me what I am, they know I'm mixed obviously and when I tell them to guess they always say black first, because of my hair they say. I've never understood being "proud" of your heritage. I've never felt the need to boast about my background, honestly I hate when people ask. As if knowing will give them a better understanding of who I am. We are a product of our environment, my race does not make me who I am. It only determines whether I will be embraced by society.

It's dark in here.

I don't know who will emerge from this wreckage but I feel it won't be pretty. I have been completely crushed under the weight of it all, I don't know how much more I can take. I go day by day pretending with a smirk or a smile and I know I may seem a bit chaotic, I assure you it's because I am. There is no "fixing" this, there are no words that can undo what has been done. It's up to my body mind and soul to decide if it can take anymore. I just wish that I had mattered enough to anyone, then maybe, just maybe.. I wouldn't have wound up here. Scared, broken and completely alone in my darkness. 

Your Sexual Guide To The Virgo Lover

The Perfectionist

Virgo Lovers are known for their attention to detail when it comes to lovemaking. They are not ones to rush or skip through foreplay to get straight to the point. Virgo’s love to take their time making sure to pay full attention to their partner’s bodies. Love making is almost a science to them. They may seem emotionally detached at times, but that is only because they are concentrating on every detail of their love making.

Virgo’s are a stickler for cleanliness; invite your Virgo lover into a shower or warm bath. Adding a water resistant toy like Velvet Ripple  will make for some steamy lovemaking.

Paying close attention to every inch of your Virgo Lover’s body is key. They especially love having their stomach caressed, for them this is an erogenous zone. Try using ourPassion Powder with feather duster to caress and tease their body. Dust Passion Powder from their neck down below their navel in a slow soft sweeping motion, making sure not to miss all their sweet spots. Then kiss, lick and nibble your way down.

The Virgo Lover is not interested in one night stands. They will refrain from sex until the right person comes along. Virgo’s need to feel comfortable in their relationship as they tend to over analyze. It’s the little things you say and do to show you care that are most important to them.

So Cal Passion Parties

From The So Cal Passion Parties Newsletter

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Influenster Review: Sally Hansen Miracle Gel

 

I was super excited to receive my first Influenster Vox Box! I dove right in, read all the product details for the MiracleMani, nail polish is supposed to last up to 14 days. Ha! I"ll take that challenge!

I don't often wear nail polish for one very good reason. I am not the daintiest of girls who can somehow manage to not ruin their polish within the first 30 minutes of applying. I'm serious, the one time I went and got my nails done I miraculously touched a nail against the finger dryer thingy. Whoops! Anyway, I automatically loved the color, #330 Redgy. A very bright reddish/coral-ish color. 

 

Goes on great, nice and smooth finish as it dries. I applied 2 coats to my right hand as recommended, and one coat on my right just to compare. I applied the Miracle Gel Top Coat and got to fanning my hands like a totally wigged out school girl. 

It took me less than an hour to ruin my thumb nail on the left as I opened a container of steaming hot Chinese food.  It took two days for me to chip off part of my index finger nail, and the remaining three fingers were doing pretty well by day 5. My right hand I must say held up pretty dang well also with just the one coat.

 

All in all I'd say this Miracle Mani has lots of potential for girls who aren't raking their nails across sandpaper for a living ( I exaggerate) or girls who actually take care with their nails. For the rest of us, it has potential to last more than a day if your careful ;) 

Blissful Abyss

And all the feelings come rushing back

Cloud my mind again

Lost in the abyss of bliss

Kisses that unclench my fists

I will stay here if you dont mind

In this darkness I'm surrounded by light

I'm In Love With A Chocolatier

Last night I went to a fundraising event to support Aleisha Gore's movie project called Chocolate Is Not Better Than Sex. I met Aleisha through a networking group, she was looking for people to donate to her silent auction to help raise funds, so I donated a bottle of NeriumAD. As I reached the entrance to the Vaucluse Lounge on Sunset Blvd,  I was abruptly confronted by a man holding a tray of chocolates. "Would you like to try a chocolate" he says pointing, "This one is peppermint and this one is sugar free, dairy free with coffee in the center". Mouth agape, I looked at him, then the chocolates, back to him and back to the chocolates. I squinted at him as I reached for a chocolate somehow knowing that this man was dangerous. "I'm going to be licking this thing all night" I said. He laughed.

 I walked into the Lounge holding this rich creamy truffle in between my fingers. Live music playing, a few people scattered here and there, it was still early. My eyes mainly fixed on this chocolate I almost walked past the woman selling tickets at the door. I gave her my name, she checked me off the list and gave me my ticket for the swag bags. I took a seat at the bar, ordered a sprite and took my first nibble of the chocolate truffle. My goodness it was good, I think I took nearly ten minutes to eat this little thing just because I had to savor it. For all I knew, there could have been a limited supply.

At some point the chocolatier found his way over to me with a fresh supply of chocolates, he offered me another again pointing out the two types of chocolates, and I told him the coffee one was really good. He suggested I try the peppermint. "I hate mint chocolates" I stated. He says, "Oh you'll like my chocolate, I pretty much got it perfected, it's just the right amount of mint". Again I squinted at him. "Fine, I'll try it and we shall see." I said defiantly. I took one of each and took a small bite of the peppermint, I rolled it around on my tongue and let it melt in my mouth. "wow you're right! it's not overly minty at all. It's actually pretty good!" With a smirk and a twinkle in his eye he says "See". This man is dangerous.

Towards the end of the night the chocolatier once again found me sitting inside near the back patio. He sat down next to me and I said, "So tell me about your chocolate cake". Of course I had to ask him about chocolate cake! This man OBVIOUSLY knows his way around some chocolate, and I love me some cake!
He responds " Ummm OK what do you want to know?" I tell him how much I love chocolate cake and I'm on this personal quest to find the best chocolate cakes around. He laughs and says "We'll I don't actually eat cake because I'm allergic to wheat." I'm sure you could imagine my reaction! He goes on to say that when he does make it, he uses a variety of chocolates all of which sounded amazing. He mentioned that he has always wanted to try making the cake with bourbon filled truffles. My mouth popped open with the thought of all this amazing ooey gooey chocolaty-ness with a slap of bourbon on my tongue. I offered to be his taste tester and he laughed and said of course!

I asked him how he got into the business of making chocolates and he says, "well I make other things than just desserts" He went on to say how he kind of just fell into this. He was going to school to become a massage therapist and realized it wasn't for him. He had made some special chocolate treats for a relative and it kind of just blossomed from there. He started watching a lot of cooking shows and reading up on the different ways to temper chocolates, and how to fillet a fish "professionally" I was really in awe of this man. He found something that he loved doing and he dove head first into it. He made it a point to learn everything there was to know so he could be great at it.

He talked about his first experience filleting a whole salmon and inviting a group of friends over for dinner. He asked them to pay $5 a plate just so he could make some of his money back on that $80 salmon. He said they all loved it and each tipped him $20. He showed me pictures of the different recipe's he's concocted and told me about the homemade bread he makes just so he could specifically make cinnamon french toast. I nearly died. I wanted to cry honestly (that's how much I love french toast). This man was just so inspiring to me and I realized that no matter what it is you want to do, If you completely invest yourself into it and I mean COMPLETELY, It WILL reward you.

We exchanged business cards as he had to get back to "work" sharing more of his delicious chocolates. I again reiterated my desire to be his taste tester, we laughed, shook hands and said goodnight.

Jared Richardson  - Elite Cooking

L.A. Fashion Corner 2014 Spring/Summer Fashion Show

Model/Actress Vanessa Arcia

I had the pleasure of accompanying my mother to the L.A. Fashion Corner 2014 Spring/Summer Fashion Show. I snapped a couple of fun pictures of some pretty people.

Designer Ngozika Okeke

Makeup Artist Reyna Al Haj Khalili

Actor John Cross

Singer Yulianna

Fashion Designer Aniko

Artist Destenee

Me and my Mamey!

Sorry Sir, You Can't Sleep Here.

A couple buildings over from my apartment, a man made his bed on the dirt ground behind a bush. When I say he made a bed, I simply mean he laid down on the ground and slept. I've seen him there a few times as I walked by either at night or early morning on my way to work. But I noticed recently that someone had placed a couple of large cement blocks in that spot. A vague but obvious way of saying, "Sorry, we don't want you making your home here. We don't want you finding shelter from the elements, We just don't wan't you here period."

Now Imagine for a moment that a dog had made his home there...You would have found a big bowl of water and dog food proudly displayed on a fucking pedestal of golden dog treats! You would have found people checking in to make sure that the dog was eating and cared for. And someone would be searching frantically for their owner or possibly a new home.

I just stood there for a moment staring at those concrete blocks, imagining how that man must have felt. Why do we insist on kicking people when they are down? Why are we so quick to treat them as if they were less than an animal? Practically a smear of shit along their walkway making them turn away their noses! How can anyone believe that it couldn't happen to them or someone they love and not feel even the slightest bit of compassion? How could you?

Insight Into An Unforgiving Mind

Last night, my mind decided to trap me into one very long, unforgiving nightmare. I woke up several times and still managed to fall right back into it. Lately I have been on an emotional roller coaster, sadness at the turn, anger at the twist and full on rage at the backwards loop. I'm still waiting for it to end. But it seems to me that perhaps my mind decided to bring the root of my issues to the forefront. So what is my issue? What it has always been, my ex.

Not many people know what the reasons were for our separation, most preferred to ask others who also didn't know anything and speculate and/or listen to rumors. So much easier than just asking me right? But anyway, there was no one singular reason... There were a hundred reasons compiled over time. Lies, betrayals and a lot of just not being there in the ways he should have been. But of course there WAS the icing on the cake, and then a pound of cherries on top that just made that shit cave in on itself. 

There was a lot that I was dealing with, and still am dealing with on my own. No one really knows what was and still is going on inside of me today. I'm broken, shattered, filled with jagged pieces that cut into me every now and then. My father in law likes to suggest that I keep my "thoughts" about our relationship to myself.. You know? "it's not Facebook material" ... He'd suggest that I actually talk to my ex about our issues. Talk to the one person who has "no regrets" and never gave a shit about my feelings? Sure thing buddy. 

One thing that came to light in my dream was my feelings towards our mutual friends, friends that at the time... Were my best friends. I was hurt that they chose to spend all their time with him and basically excluded me from everything. Was it that they felt sorry for him because I ended the relationship?? I don't know, but it hurt me. I was the one who needed a shoulder, an ear, a friend, he just needed someone to go boozing at the strip club with. 

I found it funny when he would say things like "yeah well you could have had this" and "your the one that left" like he's some kind of fucking prize. Delusional I think. I sometimes think it is my lack of understanding about the things he did and his feelings towards them that keep me here on this fucked up roller coaster. or perhaps that the only real closure I got was when I asked him if he thought I would stay with him no matter what he did wrong or how much he hurt me, and he said yes, he thought I would stay no matter what. I can't even begin to tell you how that made me feel. Delusional...

Keeping all these feelings and thoughts bottled up inside has created a bit of a monster. It's affecting everything in my life. I'm extremely emotional, angry most of the time, sad the rest of the time. Still I put a half smile on my face. But little things will trigger these negative emotions and I completely shut down. I don't know how to get past it, I mean really get past all of it and just BE. I told myself that I wouldn't let it affect me anymore, but there it is, that little fucking monster whispering in my ear, that I'm just not worth it.

I'm really not sure how or when i'll ever start feeling "ok". Most days I feel like, I should just be alone so I never have to feel...anything. no anger, no resentment, no jealousy, no sadness, no worry. I could just go on pretending that I'm still me. 

A Matter of Time...

She feels her heart ticking time is running out for this girl she screams as she fights unforgiving waves drowning in misery her undying need to fight keeps her head just above water but for how long...